Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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