Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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