a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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