we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
