She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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