Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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