Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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