Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
