I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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