i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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