Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
