Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
