It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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