I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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