hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
