I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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