I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
