Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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