dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
