My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
