Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
