i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
