you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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