I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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