please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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