Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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