in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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