As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
