i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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