i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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