That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
