Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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