Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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