I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
