why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
