Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
