Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
COCAINE IS GR8
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
