google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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