I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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