She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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