Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
