Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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