I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
