guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
