winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
