What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
