I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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