hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
