God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
