I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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