he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
