Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
