I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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