I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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