If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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