A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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