1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
