and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
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YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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