There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
