Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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