i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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