Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
