Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
