just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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