So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
