he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
