remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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