IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
