omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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