Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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