I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
