I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
