dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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