I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
