I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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