are you so shy because you have an std?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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