i don't like sucking hair
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
